Therapy for Adoptees

An adoption can make a family feel complete. However, the process of adoption can be challenging for adoptees, especially those who are toddler age and older.

Many times, parents will realize that their adopted children are experiencing adoption issues because they’re acting out — or just acting in a way that makes parents worried. In such situations, visiting an adoptee therapist can be helpful. A well-trained, caring therapist can evaluate a child and look for signs of some of the more common adoption-related mental health conditions, including reactive attachment disorder.

What Is Reactive Attachment Disorder and Why Does It Often Affect Adopted Kids?

Reactive attachment disorder occurs when an adopted child shows minimal or no emotion toward a caretaker, such as a parent, or toward new siblings or relatives. In other words, the reaction of the child does not reflect the normal parental bond.

Certainly, some children, particularly older ones, may take time to get close to a new parent. However, a child with reactive attachment disorder will constantly remain emotionally and physically distant from the family.

Reactive attachment disorder in adopted kids happens for a variety of reasons. For instance, the child may have had little positive interaction with caretakers before being adopted, or the child may have experienced physical, mental or psychological trauma. Regardless of why a child developed reactive attachment disorder, child therapy focused on adoptees can bring relief and provide resilience for the entire family.

How Does a Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder Behave?

Reactive attachment disorder manifests itself in different ways for every adoptee. However, some common reactive attachment disorder signs include the following:

• The child avoids being touched: When hugged or even patted on the back, the child will try to get away or will flinch.
• The child doesn’t mind getting in trouble: Frequently, children act as if they are glad that they are being punished.
• The child “acts out” regularly: This could mean throwing temper tantrums, yelling, refusing to follow the family’s rules, and arguing with parents, siblings, peers and teachers.
• The child does not attempt to connect emotionally with adopted parents or siblings: This may spill over into not making contact, not communicating any needs or wants, and preferring to remain alone. The child may also show affection toward other people but not family members.

Parents who have adopted a child may be confused and disheartened by these reactions to their efforts to grow their family. With the right type of adoptee therapy, adopted children and their parents, and brothers and sisters, can form strong, lasting and loving bonds.

What Can an Adoptee Therapist Do to Help a Child With Attachment Disorder?

Adoptee therapists specialize in working with adopted children and their families. Their main role is to help the adopted child work through all the emotions and experiences that are making it difficult to feel safe and secure connecting with a new parent.

While there is no typical adoptee therapy session framework, adoptee therapists may use sessions to address some common adoption issues with their young clients.

Past Trauma

Children who have been adopted may have been exposed to many traumas beyond being separated from a parent, a biological family member or a foster family. Therapists will use different trauma therapy techniques, such as play therapy, to help children name and express their past traumas. Identifying these traumatic events can cause intense emotions, but therapists can assist children in understanding their feelings and learning appropriate responses.

Identity Confusion

An adopted child may feel like an outsider rather than feeling wanted. It’s easy to forget that although the child has gained a new identity, they may still grieve the loss of their old one. Older children can be especially affected by confusion about who they are and what that means for their lives.

Learned Insecurity

A child who has moved around frequently, for example, through the foster home system, may lack a feeling of security and support. The child may never have had a truly safe space to belong. Rather than believing the adopted home is actually “home,” the adoptee may assume that the family will change their minds.

Rule Confusion

Every family has a unique dynamic and expectations. Some families are laid-back with few rules. Others have stricter guidelines for behavior. An older child may struggle to understand the family’s rules and expectations, which can lead to frustration.

Enriching the Adoption Experience for Everyone

Despite the challenging aspects of adopting a child, the experience can be enriching and rewarding for everyone involved. In fact, even if a child doesn’t seem to have reactive attachment disorder after adoption, attending individual and family therapy sessions can be beneficial.

Seeing a therapist in advance of an adoption or immediately after can help all household members move forward with purpose and intent. For example, when adoptive parents invest in therapy for themselves and their children, they are introduced to parenting techniques such as:

• How to maintain consistency and a sense of structure to make the transition easier for the adoptee and family.
• How to celebrate all the advancements that the family is making toward becoming a solid unit.
• How to stay positive even during periods that might feel frustrating.
• How to stay on the lookout for signs of attachment disorder regressive behaviors.
• How to create and maintain appropriate boundaries and rules.

Parents may also want to consider joining a therapy group with other parents. The members of the group don’t have to be parents with adopted children, either. All parents share many of the same dilemmas and experiences. Being part of a support group that’s guided by a licensed, trained therapist can have lasting advantages.

Finding the Right Adoptee Therapist for a Child and Family

Because adoptees and their families are in unique situations, finding a therapist who handles adoption issues makes sense. The therapist can help to identify early signs of potential reactive attachment disorder and introduce therapies aimed at boosting confidence and processing feelings.

If you’re considering adopting or have already adopted, our adoptee therapists at Courageous Kids Counseling in NY can help your family grow with love, joy and purpose. Book a consultation with us to discuss more about therapy for adopted children.